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Establishing a Healthy Relationship with Exercise More Are Seeking Treatment For Sexual Addiction Motherloss: An Adult Daughter's Depth Perspective How Codependency Impacts Our Spirituality The Amazing Journey (One Person's Story of Nicotine Addiction) |
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Articles Controlled by Desire By Carol J. Ross, MA, CADAC Published In February 1998 Issue of Professional Counselor Magazine Judy always felt different. Much like her childhood friends, men
After finding that mate, her fantasy life with her husband soon
In therapy, she talked about her perfect family-perfect,
So began a self-image that fueled her sexual compulsivity into
Sexual addiction is commonly overlooked in clinical assessments of women. History seems to be repeating itself-society once believed women could not be alcoholics. Both men and women in our culture are taught that women are nurturers who specialize in loving, but are not as interested in sex as are men. For this reason, a woman's sexual behaviors often become victim-based as she learns to fulfill her sexual needs through demure, coy, or subtle seduction. Women tend to influence others in these indirect ways. The same socialization and expectation add to the extraordinary
A clear view of the symptoms of sexual addiction is difficult to
Other attempts involve broken promises made to self or others to
Negative consequences might include unplanned pregnancies, abortions,
With many women who are addicted to sex, obsessive thought begins with planning how to attract a sexual partner. For example, Sandy spends inordinate amounts of time envisioning or fantasizing about attracting a partner. Her rituals include hours of shopping for seductive outfits, putting together outfits from her closet, meticulous bathing and shaving in anticipation of being sexual, cleaning her house and preparing coffee for the morning after, and even excluding thoughts of other matters, such as her bills or her child's school problems. Her patterns of obsessive thought circle around trying to judge, interpret, and analyze any responses to her, then carefully planning a reaction to the perceived responses. From an external view, these behaviors are all very much within
Many sexually addicted women fantasize about sexual abuse, including
Another common scenario is obsession with a past partner or with
A mood-altering level of excitement occurs for female sex addicts in seductive behaviors involving flirting, dancing, dressing, or otherwise personally grooming to be seductive. Some have several affairs going on at the same time, while others are monogamous but need a new relationship to get out of, or deal with, the loss of the prior relationship. Seduction is the key to the addictive cycle, even in preparation for sex with self, i.e., using flirtation, pornography, or sugary foods in preparation for masturbation. Pornography is only one of the commonly used printed materials
Exhibitionism is commonly an aspect of sexually addicted behaviors
When women sex addicts intrude on others' sexual boundaries, it
Some sex-addicted women consider themselves exploitive in seeking
A behavior women sex addicts report having the most shame about
Although anonymous sex is common for women sex addicts, they don't
Technological advances such as computer e-mail, chat rooms, and
A fair amount of women sex addicts report having exchanged sex
For most people, having sexual relationships, fantasies, and behaviors
In a study I conducted on female sex addicts, 78 percent were sexually
Recovery Recovery begins by educating the sex addict about sex addiction, while contracting for abstinence from sexual behavior to allow a decrease in defenses and an increase of sobriety. Because in many cases the female sex addict often does not consciously plan to be sexual when she is, more women than men will tend to agree with the idea of planned abstinence. However, ingrained patterns of seduction make it more difficult for a woman to adhere to an abstinence contract than a man. She may verbalize a goal of abstinence but send loud, conflicting non-verbal messages. Specific trigger situations, with a planned set of boundaries, must be discussed to make it even possible for her to honor any kind of abstinence contract. Identifying exactly how she consciously and unconsciously uses the above behavior types to medicate her feelings needs to be a collaborative effort between therapist and the female sex addict, with alternative methods planned to address the feeling states behind each behavior. As she attends more 12-Step mutual support groups specifically for sex addiction and/or sex-and-love addiction, her awareness of both her addictive behaviors and new recovery behaviors will grow. While therapy can help deal with the underlying feelings, a female
The goal is not to be forever nonsexual, but to learn how to be
By Jill Sprecher, CPT, former Fitness Specialist at Sierra Tucson Published In February 2002 Issue of Arizona Together newspaper Whether you've made a New Year's Resolution to lose weight or whether
Many people who are not easily motivated to exercise have had a
If you are recovering from an eating disorder such as anorexia
Keeping your exercise fun will allow you to establish a life-long
God Bless and Happy Exercising, or Happy "Moving Your Body"-whichever
By Karen Thomas Printed In USA TODAY May 14, 1997 TUCSON, Ariz. - How much is too much? When does often become too often? What is the difference between a healthy, active sex life
"A normal person will have an affair and have some degree of angst
That's a simple explanation for a problem that used to be giggled
Not all who cheat on their partners are addicts. Buying pornographic
"It's not about what behavior a person does or how often they do
In many ways, it's a chemical addiction, Ross says: Patients crave
Ross says current research shows 7% to 10% of the population has
At Sierra Tucson, a posh live-in clinic nestled in the foothills
Ross' patients tend to be well off. (The cost is $600-$700 per
Some are there for an assessment, a five-day process that includes
Ross says numbers are rising for people seeking treatment for sexual
One of the fastest growing populations seeking treatment: doctors,
Many patients don't know they're sexually addicted, Ross says.
Treatment starts with signing a contract of abstinence, in which
Patients meet with therapy groups and counselors, and families
Another part of sexual recovery at Sierra Tucson is weekly equine
Counselors may be able to identify problematic behavior that some
By Liz Canterna Douglass, Ph.D., Sierra Tucson Staff Psychologist Dr. Douglass conducts 8-week psychoeducational workshops on Motherloss for adult women and leads an ongoing women's therapy group. Published in the Journal of Personal and Interpersonal Loss, 1999 In some way, I believed that my mother would live forever or that death might happen, but only in some legendary time. Yet, inherent in the daughter-mother relationship is the inevitable and inescapable reality that death will occur, most likely with the mother's death first. My mother died on June 15, 1995. What I know from my experience is that I felt the deepest connection to my mother and the clearest connection to all women, living and dead, at the moment I felt her last heartbeat. Having my hand resting over her heart when it beat for the last time on earth was a gift I gave to her, a gift that even at the moment of death, she returned to me. For even then, my mother did not stop being my mother, nor I her daughter. Yet, it was at that very moment that our mutual roles did end, temporally. It was a time of deepest vulnerability interwoven with peace and empowerment. Remembering those moments brings tears to my eyes now, for it is now only in memory and dream that I can hold and be held by my mother. But at that final moment, I had a smile on my face as I felt her last heartbeat and participated as intimately as one could at that threshold of human experience. The vulnerability of the final moments broke through any boundaries that ever existed between us. It was a suspended moment of time containing the ultimate gift exchanged by a mother and daughter, the reciprocity of presence. Re-Membering
I came to know the alchemy of dying during the last night of my mother's life. Psychological and physical life was ending for her. Her ego was giving way to the Self, a term Carl Jung used to express an individual's fullest potential and wholeness. I saw the Self being revealed in her face. Her complexion was soft, clean, and wrinkle-free. As I looked, I did not see the 81-year-old mother whose face I knew so well. I saw the face of a young maiden. My mother grew beautiful with age, and even more beautiful in death. I saw this as truly a woman's way, so contrary to our cultural beliefs and perceptions about aging and death. I remember my mother telling me as a young girl the story of my grandmother's death. My grandmother died murmuring in Italian, "It's so beautiful, so beautiful." What a wonderful legacy my grandmother left for her daughter-in-law and her granddaughter. And here before me, on my mother's face, was a reflection of what my grandmother was expressing at life's end. "You are so beautiful," I reflected over and over again to my mother that evening, just as a mother would say to her newborn child. I realized that our roles, as we knew them, were coming to fulfillment in this lifetime, and a new form of consciousness and relatedness was evolving. We were both being confirmed with the Feminine Spirit. Angeles Arrien, cultural anthropologist, speaks of making a sacred place and something will happen. The home in which my mother died has always been a sacred place, for she and my father had built much of it with their own hands 40 years before. The room in which she died became even more sacred because of the depth of the mystery being lived with it. It became a womb, nourished by comfort, familiarity, protection, and familial love. It was hard to leave that room, for it contained such compelling intimacy and safety. I was amazed at how safe I felt beside my mother, even though she was weak, deteriorating, and dying.
Many days I crawled into bed with her, rubbing her arms and thighs, caressing her body within mine. Those were moments of containment, serving to strengthen, initiate, and support us both through this threshold of transition. We prayed the rosary many times together. It became a powerful ritual, invoking the Spiritual Mother "at the hour of death." The repetition of the rosary was a consistent reminder to stay connected to the mystery, to trust in the gentility of the angel of death, and to remember the Primal Feminine Promises of regeneration and everlasting life of the spirit. Caretaking
I didn't think of her as old until I saw her without her teeth and saw the roots of her gray hair. While helping the hospice caregiver give my mother her last bath, I saw her shriveled breasts and buttocks and the scars on her tummy from numerous surgeries. Those moments were sacred and blessed with intimacy and knowing. The rituals of caregiving situated the experienced on an ancient path, grounded in practicality. The daughter-mother relationship begins in the body, making uterine existence the primal source of connection. One cannot be more intimate than having lived within another's body for nine months. The silent mystery of uterine experience surfaced within me. That biological intimacy and way of knowing my mother has lived within me for 50 years, yet I hardly thought about it until she lay dying. With the Child at Her Feet
A few nights before her death, my mother experienced depression. She seemed to be haunted by a sense of death as being a punishment. Impending loss and death gave rise to an attitude of despair that seemed to diminish any fulfillment she ever experienced. For a time, her room was filled with a sense of barrenness. It felt empty and desolate. Then she cried out with command: "Put the baby in the bed; I want the baby." The theme of the baby became a focus of attention in my mother's psyche. At first, I was quite literal in attempting to understand and honor her request. I thought she might be referring to me, for she often called me, her youngest, her "baby." I asked her questions such as: "Who is the baby? Who does it belong to? What sex is it? What is the baby's name?" I gave her a pillow to hold and imagine a baby. None of these seemed to satisfy her demands, yet she couldn't seem to tell me in words what she wanted other than "the baby." Were her cries for the baby a heightened desire for life, rebirth, rejuvenation? Was her desire for the baby a cry for birth of the unconscious spiritual aspect of herself? Was it a cry for reunion with that which has grown within her? After a day of reflection, I believe I came to know what my mother wanted. A month before her death, a friend gave her a statue of the Infant Jesus of Prague. It was a traditional porcelain statue draped in taffeta and lace robes. Originally, I placed it near her bed. Something inside told me to place the statue of the Infant on the bed, at my mother's feet. The Infant remained at her feet for 3 days and nights, until she passed through the threshold of death.
The image of mother and child is an archetypal image and promise of faith, trust, and continuity. When a woman who is identified with her maternal energies is reunited with her inner child, her depression ends. She feels a sense of wholeness and completion. I knew my mother was finally at peace. And when the daughter, who identifies with the innocent energies of the child, descends into the depths of her grief and emerges with a renewed vision of her inner mother, her grief of Motherloss transcends the material realm, and new life emerges. I began to feel a sense of wholeness and completion. My personal mother has died, yet my inner mother provides the archetypal sustenance of an eternal embrace. This is the promise of the Motherline. Woundings and Wisdom
Lying in her coffin, my mother's body was cold, hard, and lifeless when I kissed it for the last time. It was frozen stillness, an empty shell. The coloring in her face was artificial, made-up. Death is sad and brutal; it is awful. I will never see my mother again. The word "sad" cannot even come close to the depth of emptiness this reality generates. Death is an end, a finality. In its cold and cruel essence, it speaks of forever. I often ask: "Where are you, Mom? Where did you go?" Death is hard on the living. What I know from being with my mother during the last month of her life is that she did not want to die. She loved life. She wasn't a person who lived life for the hereafter. She lived it now, with vivaciousness and alacrity. She didn't want to leave. It is hard to say good-bye. I don't think she was afraid to die. I think she just wanted to stay on earth for a while longer.
In some way, she died as she lived, with both dignity and denial. She carried the silence of her grief to her grave, yet within my soul I heard the intimacy of her cry. She also died as she lived, surrounded by the love of her family and embraced by the Virgin in union with the Child. My mother's death reshaped my perspective on life in a fundamental way. Holding the knowledge of both mortality and immortality within the same image is an awesome experience. Anna Quindlen, columnist for the New York Times, expressed it so succinctly: "Death brings the loss we never lose." Motherloss, no matter what age we are, will always echo a cry from deep within of "the continual presence of an absence." What I have learned from my mother's death is that we come to our deepest wisdom through our losses. We become both wounded and wise. Those moments were a precious awakening to the mystery of both death and life. Significant loss fills our heart with sadness yet presents the mandate, if we are to live fully, to enlarge our heart's capacity for love. Expanding the flow of real love deepens us beyond our wildest imagination. When I share this love with others, I feel my mother loving me. Ultimately, what I learned from my mother's death is how much she loved me. I did not know, nor could I have even imagined, what I now know as real. When she said, "I love you, Mary Elizabeth, I have always loved you," I was able to take it into a very deep place within my heart unknown to me before. Thus, in taking in the reality of my mother's love, I incorporated new life within. In her movement and with her release, my mother has twice given me birth. Her love has been firmly planted and grounded while on earth, and the power of it will sustain me for the remainder of my life on earth. My mother's love-simple, unique, and imperfect-is human love. My mother's love is real. My mother's love is the promise of the Motherline. The archetypal shift at the time of death took away my innocence. Having come to know the mystery in such an intimate way, I came to a new awareness of feminine experience. At the hour of her death, I came to feel a qualitatively different relationship with my mother, deepened by compassion and awakened by my capacity to love and to accept. And when I felt my mother's final heartbeat, I truly came to know what living within the center of my own being is about. How Codependency Impacts Our SpiritualityBy Phillip S. Mitchell, MA, MFT, MAC, Unit Therapist & Lecturer at Sierra Tucson The clear majority of our broader culture has been quite codependent. Individuals have learned to compulsively defer to others in order to determine one’s thoughts, words, and actions instead of checking within one’s self to honor one’s feelings, one’s knowing, and our sense of what’s appropriate. It is of no avail to judge ourselves for falling prey to this behavioral pattern, as one’s survival—being accepted in the family system or community—seemed to depend upon it. The cost, nonetheless, to one’s integrity, wholeness, and sense of spiritual connectedness is great as we continue to function codependently based on coping strategies that we taught ourselves, usually during childhood. Embracing and honoring emotions is something that a codependent person learned to deny in order to survive. The resultant sense of emptiness or “hole inside” is often a key motivator in finding something outside one’s self, often a “drug of choice” to self-medicate in a vain attempt to reduce the pain of such emptiness. Honoring our feelings is key in recovery from codependency as well as in recovery from other addictions and self-destructive behaviors. The point is not that we are our feelings, but our feelings show us more about who we are. Each feeling state contains literal information regarding our truest identity, what’s important to us (and what’s not), and what it is that we need to express and share with our world. Each emotion is equally an expression of our Higher Power, of Spirit—our spiritual knowing and sense of connectedness to All That Is—expressing through different filters called emotions, informing us as to the unique aspect of Spirit that we are. A vital feature of recovery from codependence is in knowing and honoring our feelings, desires, ideas, and expressing them in healthy ways. Although acting on our feelings may not be helpful in all situations, clean and healthy communication and expression of our feelings remains essential in recovery and in living fully. No one is placed here by mistake. Everyone has something unique to share with the world. We are the creators that the Creator created. What a loss it would be to self and others if you were not expressing your truth in the world. Are you willing to stand in your truth, take healthy risks, and express your feelings and heart’s desires more readily and more directly? Are you willing to let Spirit express through you as it was meant to? The Amazing Journey (One Person's Story of Nicotine Addiction) By Cheryl Brown, former Clinical Outreach Supervisor at Sierra Tucson Printed in the "Afterwords" Alumni Newsletter, Winter 2004-2005 Recovery is an amazing journey… one designed to encourage us to continue to grow and transcend ourselves, that is, gain victory over our difficulties. I learned a long time ago that it is not a destination or something I will arrive at. I became aware that the gifts I and others receive as a result of facing our challenges and fears are often too many to count—even though I sometimes had to look or work a little harder for them. For example, close to my second year in recovery “more was revealed,” and I became increasingly aware that my smoking was truly an addiction asserting increasing control over my life. I began to notice that I was suffering from frequent colds and coughs, with my voice noticeably lowering to a frog-like resonance. Once I passed the sultry Lauren Bacall voice, it seemed not as attractive for a woman. I also noticed that the structure of my day often evolved around my ability to “light up.” I would occasionally postpone the return of a phone call, as it may take a bit longer and I would have to wait to smoke. “Hey, nobody ever ended up in jail from smoking,” I would assure myself. I discovered I would drive myself instead of joining non-smoking friends on a trip. Therefore, I wasn’t present for some great stories and lots of laughs with folks who wanted to spend their time enjoying me, too. I began to consider that I might be missing out on something. I tried to learn to cross-country ski and found that the altitude and thin air were amplified by my own lack of wind. The scenery was so incredible and beyond that of any picture I’d ever seen. I was simultaneously filled with absolute wonder at my surroundings and also frustration and anger at my inability to breathe well enough to whoosh a little further around the mountain. I didn’t smoke the rest of that day and considered how addicted I was to my cigarettes… how they were increasingly “in charge of me.” Yet I still wanted one… of course, I still wanted one. The final straw broke one morning as I prepared for work. I had my start-the-day ritual, a cup of coffee and a smoke—the eye opener. I had started to make coffee but had not yet poured the first cup. The television was on, tuned to “Roger Ramjet,” a cartoon that started my 3-year-old’s day. I noticed the smell of a cigarette and realized, as the coffee was still percolating, that I’d not yet lit one. Odd, I thought… could I have forgotten? “I haven’t had a blackout in some time, and I am sure I did not light a cigarette,” I said out loud. Down the hallway I strode, following that familiar friendly aroma. Rounding the corner into the living room, my eyes in search of each strategically placed ashtray for my sense of needed convenience, I spied the trail of wistful smoke beckoning me to come closer. My gaze descended to the tousled hair of my 3-year-old. “Where is that smoke coming from?” My thoughts were so loud, I was sure they were audible. Then the picture tuned in and became clear. My son was seated on the couch in a cross-legged position in his underoos, watching his beloved Roger Ramjet. His pillow-burned hair and sleepy gaze over his delicately freckled nose would have been an idyllic picture, were it not for what he held in intertwined arms, palm to the sky, between his thumb and middle finger. “Billy! What are you doing with that cigarette?!” He blinked and looked at me somewhat startled, then smiled. “Look Mom, you and me are the same—we do the same things.” Over my initial shock grew a conviction and a decision that today I am ever so grateful for. I was not going to smoke anymore. I was not going to perpetuate my addictions or any other family dysfunction if God and I could help it. I knew immediately that I would need support and I would ask for it. I explained to my son that, “Mommy made a bad choice by smoking, and I will not smoke anymore.” The next two weeks were admittedly uncomfortable—I found myself over-emotional and often craving to smoke. Sometimes it even seemed like my concentration was so disrupted, the thoughts were actually being sucked from my brain by some alien being. The alien was my addiction. Each time I felt that familiar urge, I talked about it to every non-smoker I could find—my family, my coworkers, my friends; all were incredibly supportive and encouraging. They wanted me to succeed, and I wanted to succeed. I also replaced my cravings with that vision and feeling I realized when I discovered my 3-year-old son. By the end of my first month, I noticed how different food tasted and how much more enjoyable it was. I also learned that it was important to find something for my hands to do that didn’t involve placing unneeded food or a cigarette in my mouth. I picked up reading again and quickly sped through the pages to keep my fingers happy. I learned from others who had also faced this challenge—many of whom kept slipping but also kept trying, and eventually won. After several years had passed, my 3-year-old was 10 and experiencing the American Lung Association Tobacco Control Program in school. One night he awoke in the wee hours of the morning with a nightmare. When I asked what scared him, he tearfully explained that he was afraid his Uncle Dave would die from smoking. I rocked him and told him he should tell his favorite uncle how he felt, that I was sure he would want to know. The next morning Uncle Dave showed up for coffee. I anxiously waited for my son to share this important information with him and was dismayed when the subject never arose. “Maybe Billy got his needs met by talking about his fears,” I speculated. Time passed. One afternoon the three of us were en route to Chucky Cheese (Billy’s favorite place in the universe). Quietly, my son moved between Dave and me in the minivan. As I turned to instruct him to move back to his seat and put his seatbelt back on, he looked at my brother and pleaded, “Uncle Dave, I love you, and I’m afraid that you will die from your smoking—I want you to stop now. If you die, I won’t have you to play with.” My eyes welled with tears, and I looked at Dave, who was also tearful. Looking at Billy, he said, “I didn’t know you felt that way, and I’m glad you told me, Billy. I will stop smoking.” We all cried and hugged. Yes, I did have to pull off the road. Dave did stop smoking. I am amazed to say it has been 21 years since God and I kicked my nicotine addiction to the curb. You can see the gifts I would have missed had I not chosen to continue to grow. I became healthier, and the colds I caught seemed to dramatically lessen—for Billy, too. My family and I became closer. My emotions did level off, and I continue to feel more a part of this wonderful life each and every day. I feel compelled to encourage you to take the opportunity to continue your growth and break the bonds that hold you hostage. Trust me, if you are addicted to nicotine, you are held hostage. Friends, family, and coworkers will support you, you need only ask—loudly and often worked well for me. There are great resources you can access for additional support: Nicotine Anonymous, American Lung Association, American Cancer Society, and American Heart Association all have self-help-oriented websites with free support and information that will assist you. Sierra Tucson offers a “Living Without Nicotine” Quality of Life Workshop®. You are not alone, and you can change! Pay attention to the messages and gifts placed before you to help you grow. Celebrate your miracles… isn’t it interesting how this message may have reached you? You can do it—just don’t stop trying before the miracle happens—you won’t want to miss it! The Eight Deadly Defects of Character By David Anderson, Ph.D. Former Executive Director and Director of Psychology at Sierra Tucson Printed in the “Afterwords” Alumni Newsletter, Winter 2002-2003 Those of us with experience in working the 12-Step Program know that, as a core part of our recovery process, we are expected to ask God to remove our "defects of character" (Steps 4, 5, 6, and 7). But what exactly are these defects? Where did they come from? And what are some ways we can work in concert with our Higher Power to help remove these characterological flaws? Question One: What exactly are these defects? I don't know of any "official list," but I can give you my list of the character defects, inspiration of which comes from two very different sources: the millennia-old notion of the Seven Deadly Sins and the American Psychiatric Association's (APA's) list of so-called "disorders of personality." Originally, Church doctrine defined Eight Deadly Sins: Pride, Envy, Anger, Avarice, Sadness, Gluttony, Lust, and Sloth (eventually, sadness was dropped from the list by one of the Popes!). These were considered "deadly" because a person whose soul was overtaken by one or more of these qualities was almost certainly doomed to damnation in one form or another. Many centuries later, the APA defined several personality disorders; these were characterological disorders that arise more out of one's personal experience and existential and lifestyle choices, as opposed to psychiatric diseases that tend to result from genetic, anatomical, biochemical, or traumatic causes. (For example, an addiction is quite properly considered to be a disease, while a very egocentric and self-absorbed person, whether or not he/she suffers from an addiction, is said to be manifesting a "narcissistic" personality disorder.) There are currently 10 such disorders, examples of which include "avoidant," "dependent," and "compulsive." There are many similarities and co-variances between the Seven (or Eight) Deadly Sins, and the Ten Deadly Personality Disorders, and without too much difficulty, it is possible to combine these into a single list of what I call the Eight Deadly Defects of Character: 1) Dishonesty/lack of authenticity/wearing a "mask" 2) Pride/vanity/need for things to be "my way"/need to always be "in control" 3) Pessimism/gloomy disposition/being stuck in a "victim role" (this one is closely associated with anger, bitterness, and resentment) 4) Social, emotional, and spiritual isolation 5) Sloth/laziness/passivity/living the unexamined life 6) Gluttony/unwillingness to self-discipline/need for the "quick fix" 7) Self-debasement/excessive self-denial and self-sacrifice 8) Greed/lust/envy/materialism Now this is key: it is nigh well impossible to fully recover from a behavioral or psychiatric disease without also paying attention to corresponding defects of character. You can't do one without the other! Question Two: Where do these defects come from? Most often, they represent understandable (and maybe even necessary) defenses against childhood pain and insecurity. For example, a child who learns at a very young age that his or her value as a person is completely contingent upon earning parents' favor will almost certainly develop a rather dependent or codependent personality style. The child who is placed under constant pressure to be perfect will necessarily develop a more compulsive style. This is why it is important to not berate or judge ourselves over our identified defects; rather, we are asked to recognize them, "own" them, and finally, to actively and intentionally turn our characterological defects into characterological strengths. (Please note that each defect has a corresponding strength; e.g., a codependent person is typically predisposed to be quite caring and altruistic, while a compulsive person might develop a very healthy ability to be frequently thorough, dependable, and responsible.) Question Three: Beyond asking our Higher Power to remove these defects, what else can we do to assist in the process? Several ideas include: a) Ask a 12-Step sponsor and/or a trained counselor or therapist to serve as sounding board, mentor, and "coach." b) Ask for feedback and support from 12-Step group members. c) Consider psychological testing (some of you experienced this while at Sierra Tucson!). d) Journal your progress. e) Become an active participant in a spiritual community. For example, characterological defects can be replaced by what the Apostle Paul, in his letter to the Galatians, refers to as "fruits of the Spirit," including such qualities as kindness, patience, gentleness, and joy. All major religious and spiritual traditions emphasize similar manifestations of a spirit-filled life. Go for it! This is what makes recovery rewarding and life worth living! |
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